In trying to avoid the shockingly poor things they show on TV inbetween the adverts here (and by God, it is awful: mostly horrifically unfunny sitcoms (i.e. re-runs of Friends. And worse!: America's somethingest something; US Idol X Factor Dance On Ice; news read by over-coiffured hairdos with botox-rigid vacuous smiles, who can only inject emotion into a subject by lowering their voices and attempting to maintain eye contact with whichever guest stuck next to them on the sofa, etc), I have mostly stuck to ESPN, the mypoically parochial sports channel dedicated to any sport that is only played in the USA and one or two other countries. Speaking of which, I have become strangely hypnotised by softball. Not, of course, that this is professional softball though. No. This is College softball.
I don't quite understand the rules. It appears to be a version of baseball, which is of course a version of rounders played by testicularly challenged steroid-injecting cubans, contested by chunky misfits from midwest towns or blonde bimbos caked in mascara (during the match, under their helmets) from SoCal.
But the most compelling thing about this sport was (as with all American sportscasts) the commentary. It was hard to keep a straight face when they commentators insisted on referring to half of the players as "slappers". I'm sure that there is a tecchnical reason for it, but no sport - or TV channel - deserves anything but mockery when presenters can say, with a straight face (I kid you not): "it's incredible what slappers can do with a little bit of height on their balls..."
While I'm on the subject of ESPN (10 seconds of non-US sport mention per hour. On a good day), it also appears to have classed Spelling Bees (for under 14s) as a sport. And show it on TV. Frequently. And without irony. On Saturdays. They should be showing European sports at this time. Arghhhhhhh. (And no, I've still not managed to see any of the Euros.)
