Where's my football?

The inevitable has happened. I've returned home from work and - shock, horror - there is no Guatemala vs Azerbaijan to watch. (Well, there might be the International Tiddlywinks Final between the two on Sky Sports Xtra 7.) But, no football... So, having had, erm, some days of solid football, here are my (entirely unoriginal and blogged a million times elsewhere) thoughts:


Weak manager syndrome
I wonder who I'm referring to here? I'm always wary of managers who appear too chummy with their players. Why would you want the opinion of an overpaid moron who spends his spare time roasting witless chavs in hotel rooms?

There are two types of managers in this FujiMcDonaldsMoneyGrabbingCorruptBastardsFifa World Cup: those who know who is in charge and one that is too scared to take control. Pekerman for Argentina? Happy to leave aruguably the most naturally talented player at the tournament (Messi) and one of the finest prospects (Tevez) on the bench. Aragones? Dropping the Spanish talisman of the past few years (Raul, and rightly so). Lippi? Totti's been left out more than once.
Which brings me to Sven. Sven Sven Sven. Are you watching the same games as the rest of us? How on earth are Beckham and Lampard getting into the starting line-up? Lampard, as good as we know he can be, is just not performing. Being too similar to Gerrard, they are incompatible in the same team - both will aim to make the same runs, meaning the either they have to curb their natural game to allow the other to make the run (meaning that sometimes, noone will make the run) or they will try to run into the same space. It. Won't. Work. Hell, play him and Gerrard for alternate halves. I don't care.

But Beckham? How little effort can one man put in to a game? To those who would argue, "but he's contributed to three of England's six goals." Well, if we had 11 players on the pitch actually playing (for example, Lennon), we could (and should) have put three past Paraguay, six past T&T and beaten Sweden (speaking of which, defensively: Becks, what are you doing? How many tackles can you jump out of?). Free kicks? Gerrard can do that. Lampard can (not that he'd be on the pitch, of course). Beckham just isn't worth it. And finally, to all those other Beckham apologists ("if Lennon starts, who will be our impact player?") - why in God's good spunk would we need an impact player if we did our jobs properly and went 2-0 up in the first 30 minutes, then kept the ball and pushed for a third?

So what is Sven's problem? Why won't he drop the right sided parasite? Are the FA really putting pressure on Sven not to drop him? (Just how much cash does the preening twat bring in? Are the FA really so timid as to reject O'Neil and Hiddink because they'd be their own men, rock the boat and upset the sponsors? Why the fuck does Tony Blair think that dropping Beckham would adversely affect team morale? From what I can gather, the rest of the team would love it (really love it) if he was left out - even for one game to shock him.)

Anyway, back tomorrow (probably) with Blatter, referees and not much else.

Wail song

I had my annual dose of culture last week (excluding my visit to the wonderful Pixar exhibition at the Science Museum), watching Kabuki at Sadler's Wells.

Ignoring the dreadful theatre itself (I only paid £12 for a ticket, so I wasn't expecting much), the show was - to say the least - odd. To be fair, this was mostly my own fault. I bought neither a programme nor an audio loop to help my understanding of the show, so - inspired by Homer Simpson - I made up my own plot. From what I could figure out, a white-faced Zoe Wannamaker had an affair with a white-faced Timothy Dalton (albeit both Japanese men), who then killed here. Intermingled with some form of dancing and out-of-tune wailing from an off-stage extra. I can't really pass comment on whether it was a good exhibition of the art, but I was mildly entertained and thoroughly confused & amused.

In other news: the World Cup. Note to everyone - England are not that bad. Nor are they that good. Rooney is not a panacea. TV pundits - dire. All of them (nearly). Linekar: present the effing shows, don't make shite puns. And let O'Neill, Strachan and Dowie talk at length; their contributions are intelligent, inciteful and balanced. And someone please kill Ian Wright-Wright-Wright.