It's like a foreign country out here

Now I'm not one to make sweeping generalisations. Except, of course, when I'm talking about other people. But, by God this place needs some things sorting out.

Socks. It's not a difficult concept. If you are wearing shoes, you wear socks. Not wearing socks in this situation is disgusting. Especially when the only shoes you wear are trainers. Here's a simple equation for you: trainers + no socks = ugh. Rule 2 is also quite simple; unless you are actively participating in a sporting event, do not wear white sports socks. See. Simple. Finally, if you are wearing sandals, don't wear any socks.

Also, being earnest. There's nothing wrong with supporting your troops for Memorial Day. A little militaristic, perhaps, but the cannon fodder do not choose who and where they fight. But don't mistake patriotism for militarism. If the only way you can support your country is by supporting the bombing of a less-developed nation, you have a problem. But hey, if you don't watch Fox News, you can find people questioning the Iraq war...

But that's not the most worrying earnest item I need to bring to your attention. No. That honour belongs to a jaw droppingly, outrageously shocking advert. The deep, silky smooth voice-over begins by telling us of all the problems in the world - not that you'd realise that there was an outside world from watching the news or sport on TV here (or reading the papers. Or listening to the radio). It then goes on to tell us how we all put these ill feelings aside for two weeks to celebrate - guess what? - the Olympics.

Oh yes. In Iraq and Afghanistan, soldiers and insurgents will lay down their arms and spontaneously start a game of football. And Mugabe will realise what a cock he's been and resign; and China will pull out of Tibet. Ah yes, China. The beacon of humanitarian enlightenment, where the cash-grabbing IOC have decided to hold their quadrennial orgy of corporate-sponsored overconsumption, performance-enhancing drug stories and mockery of decency. But none of this matters, because for two weeks, Visa tells us, we can ignore all that is hateful in the world because a few steroid-pumped freaks are running around a track built on the blood of the workers.

And the shameful slogan for this demand for ignorance? Go World.

I'm going to go and have a beer before my anger gland explodes and destroys central New Jersey. Go World!